Dear Tattler

First of all, thanks for your dedication towards my humble blog. I am pretty sure that you are my number one follower and that all the stats on my blog are because of your constant readership. Now, coming to a more important issue, my heartfelt condolences for the death of your life. I know I can never ever know what you are going through because fortunately I have a ‘LIFE’.

Since you have no life, so to speak, you have taken it upon yourself to ensure that you tattle on me to the people who are infinitely insecure and like you, have no life either. So, tell me, when you meet each other and discuss what I blog about, over a cup of hot tea and a plate of biscuits, do you ever realise how pathetic your lives are? I mean, I know I am truly amazing and a fine example of a woman, but still, do you ever realise how lame you are? Or maybe not…. I mean, if you really had that much brains, you would be busy living your life rather than tattling on me.

I am sure you have no intention of hurting me, nobody ever does. You are probably only trying to win favours so that you feel included in somebody’s family since yours is non-existent. I feel bad that you are so lonely, unloved, unappreciated and pathetic that you feel the need to put down another woman just to feel good about yourself, just to feel included. I really feel bad that although you pretend to be smart and savvy, everybody can look through you and know how hollow you really are. But then that was to be expected considering the total absence of any functional brain matter.

Don’t worry I won’t hold any grudge against your pettiness and insecurity that leads you, time and again, to tattle on my life. I only hold deep sympathy for you. I am sure you think you are becoming a ‘family’ member by doing so, but you are nothing but a cheap help around the house. Your clinginess to people isn’t endearing, sadly, it is not even irritating, it is just… deplorable! Oh, if you could only hear the things they say behind your back! You would probably never get out of the bed again. But then, that’s the thing isn’t it. You don’t really have anything in your life to look forward to… so you indulge in others’ lives and feel important.

I was initially upset, not sad but just disappointed in how a woman could do this to another one. I even thought of not writing ever again or just changing my blog address. However, I then realized that probably my blog and tattling about my life was the only thing keeping you alive. Taking this last thing away from you seemed cruel. So I’m going to keep writing and providing you with fodder to masticate over during your chai sessions.

Oh, before I close this heart-to-heart, let me just remind you… KARMA IS A BITCH. And a bigger one than you. So, when it is your time for marital bliss, you will find another woman sucking every ounce of happiness out of it just cause she can. And when your life turns to be an absolute misery, your faux family won’t come to help you. You will rot in your own fate and live your tragic life.

As for me, while I was momentarily upset about the whole issue, I bounced back soon enough. Like in a couple of hours, once I realized your pathetic attempts to belong somewhere. Also, the only reason I took such a long time to respond to your underhanded shady tactics is because, one, I seriously have a beautiful life and am busy doing great things, two, I didn’t want to upset my loved readers and three, you don’t deserve any notice.

Anyway, keep tattling dear wretched soul…