I am scared.
I am scared of losing it all
A will to live
A fear of the unknown end
And a strength to walk on the thin line between life and death without the dread of … losing it all!
I am scared for my family, my love and the tiny part of me I would be leaving behind.
But most of all
I am scared of what my life would have meant …
Broken in the middle
Given an abrupt end
Will it still count?
Without any of the dreams fulfilled
Bereft of all the lovely people
Will it still matter that I lived?
That I tried my best?
That I meant something to somebody?
Standing at the very edge of the losing end
Things tend to blur
Achievements lose their meaning
Failures seem to magnify
People are forgotten
And all the love just… ceases to exist
As the oblivion envelops me
I lost count of tears I have wept
The number of times happiness has washed over me
The people I have known
And the ones I have lost
I finally lose my fear and bid adieu
To the only life I have known
However inconsequential and minute
To the people who gave my life meaning
And in my loss I finally find meaning and peace
I have a crazy mind. Period.
Left alone without a nonsensical or fruitful project, it tends to delve into some ridiculous and dark thoughts, alternately. The words above are a result of one such gloomy Sunday afternoon. Gloomy because I lost my crochet hook, my phone was missing and my kindle was on charge, so in short, I was jobless and my mind wandered. To all my well-wishers, I am FINE. Nothing is wrong. This is just a creative piece of writing.