I am scared.

I am scared of losing it all

A will to live

A fear of the unknown end

And a strength to walk on the thin line between life and death without the dread of … losing it all!

I am scared for my family, my love and the tiny part of me I would be leaving behind.

 

But most of all

I am scared of what my life would have meant …

Broken in the middle

Given an abrupt end

Will it still count?

 

Without any of the dreams fulfilled

Bereft of all the lovely people

Will it still matter that I lived?

That I tried my best?

That  I meant something to somebody?

 

Standing at the very edge of the losing end

Things tend to blur

Achievements lose their meaning

Failures seem to magnify

People are forgotten

And all the love just… ceases to exist

 

As the oblivion envelops me

I lost count of tears I have wept

The number of times happiness has washed over me

The people I have known

And the ones I have lost

 

I finally lose my fear and bid adieu

To the only life I have known

However inconsequential and minute

To the people who gave my life meaning

And in my loss I finally find meaning and peace

 

I have a crazy mind. Period.

Left alone without a nonsensical or fruitful project, it tends to delve into some ridiculous and dark thoughts, alternately. The words above are a result of one such gloomy Sunday afternoon. Gloomy because I lost my crochet hook, my phone was missing and my kindle was on charge, so in short, I was jobless and my mind wandered. To all my well-wishers, I am FINE. Nothing is wrong. This is just a creative piece of writing.

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