It’s a beautiful rainy day and I am so sleepy that I might resort to propping my eyelids up with matchsticks like cartoon characters do. But when you have a hyper 18 month old running around the house in his diaper, you rather not close your eyes for even a single second since that second might be the only one he needs to pee on the carpet, stuff a crayon in his nostril or break the teeny liquor bottles you’ve put on display.
At times like these I take up conversing with myself about various random nonsense to remain awake. Right now I’m narrating Pickle’s life. I know it sounds stupid but think about it. What if he grows up to be this talented writer and he happens to dedicate an entire book to his truly awesome mother, yours truly! He would probably end up writing something like this,
“My earliest memory of ma is of a rainy day when she sat crocheting a cardigan for me. I remember looking at her face, which was too dark since the light was behind her, and wondering how she would react when she finally found out that I did potty ( a pretty big shitload) while successfully jamming the piece of orange putty in my ear.”
Or maybe this,
“I remember the way ma used to scream. Of course it was years later that I finally discovered that it was her “normal” volume but to my baby ears it seemed like she never…. ever… stopped screaming.”
Or if he loves me too much, maybe this,
“I do not remember when exactly I started talking but I do have a feeling a learnt it really early so that I could finally stop my mother from speaking continuously… at all hours of the day… or night!!!”
And if he hates me, it would go something like this,
“I probably farted for the first time when I was a month old. I was startled that my tiny body could make such a loud noise and eventually ended up crying. My mommy, true to her evil self found a brilliant opportunity in my misery. From then on, every time there was a strange smell around I would see her pointing at me and blaming me for it… and my dadda actually believed her :(. ”
Now, I do realise that this might seem like utter nonsense to you but then who said it had to mean something deep?