Stupid pregnancy books and movies never ever mention the total gross things you will go through during these nine months.
1.Heard of “lean-mean-killing machine”??? Well I have turned into one… I mean into a not-so-lean, definitely-mean, “farting” machine!!!
Imagine… a quiet air conditioned office and a sudden fart!!! People would gracefully pretend to not hear it and also exit the room as quickly as possible… I initially loved the whole thing as I considered it to be my license to fart! But now it has become embarrassingly painful. It is embarrassing when it just happens without any notice or possibility of control… and painful when I have to hold it in till I reach a secluded spot… and it becomes doubly embarrassing when people suddenly pop onto my secluded spot!!!
ps : Gals who think this is gross… well I will just wait till your pregnancy to give you a “i-told-you-so” look. and Guys if you think this is gross… well I am sure you are too gross to think this is gross!!!!
2. I was never the one to watch my weight… I mean … I totally adore any food… and love eating. So when clothes stopped fitting me… instead of gym-ing or dieting I would just replace them with bigger clothes. However, yesterday I had my first weight related meltdown. I literally turned my wardrobe upside down and still couldn’t find anything which would fit me and look cute as well… The worst part? All shopping malls are presently stocking one of their best collections ever… I seriously mean it… and I cant buy anything!!!
3. I hereby declare the floater and my piggy flip flop to be my official footwear for eternity!!!
Walking around with my feet swollen upto twice their size is not fun… and realizing none of your dainty footwear fit you anymore… is plain depressing. So now I wear my piggy wiggy flip flops everywhere I go. I only change into my floaters for office since I have a little bit ( very very tiny amount) of dignity left.
4. I burp… and I pee like every 5 minutes… its so tiring that I had pretty much decided to set up my laptop in the loo so that I wouldn’t have to make the run to it every 5 minutes.
5. I am so intensely sleepy these days that I manage to sleep while people are still talking to me !!!
I have officially become an embarrassment!!!
So for all these ridiculous moments I am tolerating, pickle better be cute as hell!!! ( knock knock… are you listening??? hmmmm??)