I am a BIG attention seeker. I adore the limelight and thrive beautifully in it. Been a pampered brat all throughout and so the whole attention seeking/grabbing/hogging thing comes Pretty naturally to me. However, of late, I have found a serenity in the anonymity I have managed to create for myself. It is whole different realm of feelings and satisfaction that I have managed to glean out of the fact that no-one is bothered or even aware of my existence anymore.
Do you find it weird? I mean I used to thrive on attention, sulking at every possible moment when I was ignored even unintentionally. It was pretty much my life’s motive to exist in everyone’s universe… and have this whole dramatic life where everyone I know would literally swoon over me and give me the royal treatment. Well, I would have found it weird had I been aware of the transition. But, there was no transitional phase. (Or so I would like to believe). It is almost as if I woke up one morning and found I had vanished into the oblivion, and people didn’t even care anymore.
I figured I would be devastated… or depressed.. or at least miffed by the whole “vanished off the face of earth” phenomenon I was a part of… But strangely, I hardly realized it while it was happening. And once it had happened, I found myself not just unaffected, but weirdly gleeful at the thought that no-one would bother about me anymore. I mean, yeah I still have the family and the tons of relatives who pretty much are aware of every step I take, but there won’t be hordes of friends and so called well wishers clamoring for my time and attention.
I know I am being selfish and rude too, but when you are satisfied with your life… you do not really need to go around blabbering about it to the rest of the world. Ok… my life isn’t happening… I aint earning the big bucks or buying every freaking brand on the shelf… I am, as some would say, stuck in a rut. But I have come to love and own this life of mine. I feel content with it. Yeah I have lost of bragging points of working in some big company or moving around with the a-listers… but this is what gives me happiness now. And somehow people do not understand this. So I used to defend it… explain it to the ones I called friends. And then I realised, it doesn’t matter. They are too busy in their own worlds to see what in my world makes me glow with inner peace and joy. That’s when I also discovered that I had lost a lot of friends due to the absence of anything common to share and talk about. And I was ok with it. A few days later I accepted it and moved on. I did not mind being forgotten by so many of my close friends, I did not mind them not knowing whether or not I was still alive. And finally now I am in a place where I love this anonymity. I love that I don’t have the urge to broadcast my good or bad news to the world. The ones who still are in touch have ceased being “friends” on my list. They have rightfully claimed their place as my family in my heart.
Maybe this is what people refer to as “growing up”! Well that makes me very sad… cause I hate growing up. So lets just call it.. wisdom and leave it at that. ( My blog- my opinions and my rules!!! Deal with it)
So here’s to the tranquil anonymity I have been enjoying and which now feels like an integral part of my life.