Tick Tock…

The first month you try, you are prepared for a negative result cause despite all your efforts, you know that unless you have a leprechaun sitting on top of your head with a four leaved clover and horseshoe, it will not be positive on the very first try!

Forget a year, even the second month’s negative result is enough to rattle you out of your blissful life. You will end up playing the blame game, will take out your frustration on your better half and might even go all crazy trying to figure out what really went wrong.

The waiting period isn’t just that one week after your ovulation but pretty much the whole month. You first wait for your ovulation and then wait with bated breath for your periods, all the while praying like hell that they never happen. I freaked out even in the first month, knowing pretty well that we really didn’t follow all the guidelines and it was pretty impossible that I would conceive. I still kept hoping against all hopes that the miracle would take place. When it didn’t happen I was surprisingly and ridiculously depressed. Since no one other than the two of us knew that we were trying, I couldn’t even call anyone and bawl like a baby!

But I moved on by doing more research. I continuously researched on positions, fertility food and all kinds of things that might give me an extra edge. By the second month I was kind of prepared for the negative result. Not cause I had lost all hope but mostly cause I had managed to convince myself that all healthy couples take at least 6-12 months to finally reach their goal and freaking out before even we reached the middle, would just ruin the whole thing. I needed to keep calm and keep trying and never ever lose hope.

I also remember the million trips to the medical shop. I used to buy pregnancy kits by the dozen of different brands. I took the tests over and over again just to make sure they were not damaged. I in fact started feeling weirdly uncomfortable visiting the store over and over again.

Second month trying never really happened cause of my hubby’s stupid job so we were kind of back to square one! I managed to keep myself busy and got ready for the next round. To say that March was effectively our first try would be technically correct since it the first month that my BBT and my ovulation schedule were correctly tracked and followed. By the end of march I had stopped obsessing about the whole thing. As days passed by, slowly… steadily I lived a normal life with absolutely no idea about the news around the corner. That is how life is, it springs on you when you least expect it!


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