new age hypchondriac

I hate doctors. No, not the kinds where I would run behind them with a shovel and an intention to bury them alive… but the kinds where I would simply want to avoid them all my life and pretend they don’t exist. Feelings for medicines and hospitals – ditto!!! However, as luck would have it, I end up with ridiculous ailments which have pretty much got me a lifetime membership of hospitals and a daily diet of all kinds of medicines. Still, I don’t remember any such occasion where I have managed to complete any medication course unless you count the times when I was a teeny weeny baby and my ma managed to stuff them down my throat.

These days my hatred for meds or docs is fired by this magnificent thing called the ‘internet”. Although at times I find myself turning into a hypochondriac, it is still my best friend. So now every time any doctor opens his/her mouth about anything that is wrong with me, I trust my besht phraand Google to confirm the same. Every medicine prescribed is cross checked and every side effect mentioned is verified.

After almost 5 years of doing this ( I discovered my besht phraaand a little late), I have hit upon another glorious thing. Self diagnosis!!! Yup… this is so much more satisfactory. Imagine typing “pulsating pain above right eye at 2;30 am” and actually getting a million results on it. The poor sap with the doctors tag would probably have to refer you for a 100 tests before he can even get closer to what it might be!

So a sneeze with a tickle in the throat becomes symptoms of a deviated septum. Every head ache is just another tumour and the sudden twitching of muscles an early warning of a stroke. The forum on back aches suggest that I probably have a slip disc and the discussion on calf muscles helps me figure out that my shin bones are weak and the ankle group helps me conclude that my left leg is probably longer than my right which is why I keep tripping on my own feet.  Have to admit all this is a little addictive . so once I get a little too absorbed in it, I end up googling every thing I can. From the sudden prick sensation on my elbow to the reason why my cold just wont go away.

What I have also realised is that, all this is a just a way of mining gold through others miseries… and at times it is quite hilarious to read through them as well… This is mostly at the stage when you are still in control of my feelings and imagination. But after this, comes a stage where you start believing every post and your throat ache is blown up into a full fledged attack of TB. I am just thankful that although I am a little addicted to this whole game, I am aware when it starts  turning me into a psycho and I stop when I feel like I am about to topple over the edge of sanity into complete oblivion… Well….Almost always!!!

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