Diary of a Business Analyst : # 2

( The last chapter #1) The job of a Business analyst is very happening… sometimes its a little boring… and then some days it is so boring that I feel like dying while stuffing myself with ginger pickle. But then there are days when you get such awesome requirements that all you want to do is jump from your desk and commit suicide. Thanks to some awesomely ridiculous clients and their requirements, my life seems happening all around the year. The following post should not be mistaken as a by product of my boredom or frustration. It is a true masterpiece like myself and has been jotted down while working on three other proposals. So it is technically very sound. Also, these are just the high level requirements and can/will be detailed out during the formal requirement analysis phase. 

After I have started re-reading the Harry Potter series I have come to realize that the whole thing is not magic but a very intricate and well written application. This realization may also be an professional hazard after dealing with ridiculous, lame and some times irritatingly stupid requirements of clients. I know most of you overgrown kids out there, not wanting to grow up, will immediately hate the idea that Harry’s world can be built on anything as trivial as computer code, but be patient and read on.

The trace program

–          This program runs in the background, tracing and searching for witches and wizards all over the country

–          It also helps in tracking underage magic being performed.

–          Magic being some extremely genius codes developed by kids

–          On detecting a wizard/witch whose name is not yet registered in the master DB, the mail program is initiated.

The Mail program

–          This program is responsible for sending emails… sorry… owl mails to various witches/wizards around the country

–          A separate screen provides the administrator to create and save templates for the emails of different kinds

–          The auto populate mechanism fills in the name of the recipient into the mail body in a seamless manner and the mail seems personalized.

The wand program

–          Every wand comes with a built in chip or something which is controlled through voice commands.

–          More than 1000 spells are available to be used by the witch/wizard by just voicing the spell

–          Every wand is locked to a particular user’s voice and thus can only be operated by that user.

–          Users will be able to customize the colour and designs in which the spells/lights erupt from their wand through another set up screen

The broom stick program

–          The broom sticks have an aerodynamic design and have built in nanorotors which help the user to soar high while seated on it

–          The controls on the handle are too small to be detected by the naked eye but still powerful enough to easily maneuver the broom stick, much like a power steering.

The owls

–          Using owls for mail delivery has been a risky choice but since they are nearly blind in broad daylight, they can be eaily guided using internal chips. There is less probability of them being attracted by the sights of the country side

–          Their direction sensing chip sends a signal to the chip embedded in the letter and the address along with the map coordinates are relayed back to it.

–          The direction chip then sends charges to the wings of the bird guiding it to their destination

–          The public birds come with a built in payment gateway which enables them to accept payment for their services

I can go on about how everything is nothing but silly programming logic without any trace of magic. But I think this is more than enough to prove to all ye non-believers that code rules all…

Dear Harry Potter fans… don’t believe a word in this post. I truly wish and believe that there’s magic in the world. Which is why although I live like miles away from England I still wish that my witchy talents will suddenly appear and I will get into Hogwarts. Which is why I chose London for my study tour, in the hope that maybe my witchy aura will catch someone’s attention while I wandered in the lanes of london. Which is why I still wake up everyday and try flailing my arms all around hoping for some magic to pour out…. and like a true blood Harry Potter fan… I shall keep hoping till I die!!!

PS: I am now officially crazy, bored and creative at the same time… how cool is that!!! three more hours to freedom….yayee!!!

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