My Job SEARCH

              Imagine a place so far flung that nobody knows about it ( oh k fine… some people know about it… like the geaography geeks or Naval dudes…), then add a bunch of industries which are all run like a family business with a Hench man on the right and a gun man on the left, then comes the organization of these places which are non existent along with the usage of the languages “Hindi” or “English”, maybe add a few more morons in the system who have no idea of the world outside this well and are damn proud of it too…. and then finally, armed with a Btech ( with 92%) and a MBA with a 90% try looking for a job where you are not embarrassed of the pay package…
Trust me, it is nothing short of “HELL”!!! When the decision was made to move to vizag I was taken back to the streets where I spent my childhood (not literally of course). The shops which never opened on Sundays and would close with sun down… the non existent pubs and the pathetic excuse for a transport system. After living in metros ( or nearly metros) for the last ten years… going back to the place from where I literally ran away with the first excuse I got… was quite painful… But as wise people say, marriage is an institution built on compromise ( HA!!! I said that… :)), I decided to give it a try. Wrote all mushy and senti mails to all my friends ( I know they read like a good bye note, but it is exactly so… once you are in vizag the rest of the world literally evaporates from your universe) and prepared to be bored to death.
 Soon after arriving, I started my job search and the following are the heart rendering accounts of the same… read and weep my friends ( yes… I am talking to you two morons who just don’t give up on me :))
#1 : Telephonic Interview with a “Leading” Magazine ( It is such a small place that any magazine which is able to sell even 50 copies leads the pack )
Interviewer : background? last job?…
Me : Blah blah blah…
Int : awesome… so when can you join us
Me: Well before that may I know what is the package you would be offering me?
Int : well you see… for someone with a minimum of 2 yrs of experience, I would be offering 15000 a month… but since you don’t have any relevant experience maybe we would start you off with a 5…
Me : :):):):):)):) Thanks 🙂 I look forward to you offer letter
– I never even bothered to open the mail… just sent it to trash!
# 2 : Telephonic interview with a friend of a friend of my mother’s friend… ( CFO of a big hotel)
CFO : SEnd me your resume and I will revert
——————— after a day————————–
CFO : Hello, Ma!!!!
Me: ??????? yesssss
CFO: Why did you lie to me ma????
Me : ummmmm Excuse me????
CFO: You told me you have a MBA in marketing…
Me : ummm yessss I do!
CFO: No ma (@#$%)… your CV says you did a Diploma
Me : (While racking my brains about the aforementioned “Diploma”)… errr…. well I did my mba….
CFO: But your CV says you have a PGDM!!!
Me : OH!!! ( Light bulb)… Sir, every insti in India gives a PGDM , even IIMs….
CFO: No no Ma ( seriously!!!!) … It is a diploma.. not a MBA
Me : ( Losing all interest in working for him) Fine… is there a point in it?
CFO: No… not really… just wanted to let you know that You didn’t do a MBA… just a diploma
Me : ( yeah right… I spent 10 bloody Lakhs… and I do not know…) Ok sir…. thank you very much
– I don’t really remember the rest of the conversation cause I was too depressed and was planning a murder by this time …
#3 : Interview with a BPO Hr ( They apparently had openings for customer service manager)
HR : You have a very beautiful CV…
Me : errr… thanks you (??? beautiful??? did I hand write it???)
HR : but tell me… why do you want to work?
Me : Ummmm ( this question seriously had me baffled… never in my working career or studying career had ever asked me this...) ummmm to earn money (???? fingers crossed)
HR : Hmmmm true!!!
Me : (I smile like a buffoon and think… really .. you actually bought that reply??)
HR : But this is too far from your house… why would you want to travel so far for just a job?
Me : (The distance is 8 kms from my house… takes me around 10-15 minutes by car/bus/auto. Now compare this to distance in mumbai where time taken to reach place of work was 1 hr 15 minutes by walk-bus-walk) Well There aren’t any jobs where I stay ( isn’t that OBVIOUS???)
—— After a whole hour of rigorous questioning——
HR : Hmm…..ummmm…. Well you see… I don’t think we really have any opening for your profile…
Me : Thanks a lot for your time ( and wasting mine… after all I was simply sitting on my royal ass doing zilch and wanted someone to waste my time so that I have something to show for it!!!)
#4 : With a reputed FMCG brand with a Sales and Marketing setup in Vizag
HR : So why do you want to work with us?
Me : ( Cause there are no other companies here… DUH!!!) Because *** has been doing so great in the FMCG space and I figured learning about sales and marketing right here at the grass root levels will help me in the long run… (Ain’t I totally awesome!!!)
HR : That’s very true… but why in Vizag
Me : (Didn’t I already tell you… like a million times on the phone???)  well… My husband is posted here for a long term, 10-12 years, so I am interested in working here.
HR : Will you interested in relocating?
Me : (What did I JUST SAY??? DUH!!!) If the Job demands, I wouldn’t hesitate ( yeah right!!!).
HR : Well we don’t have any opening for your profile right now… maybe you could apply to other companies…
Me : (And there starts the string of totally unsolicited advice) Thank you for your time…
——————————————————————————————————————
After what seemed like an eternity I finally got a job… but of course it comes with all the “Teluguness” you can expect to find in this place. As I continue my miserable search for a good job… here’s hoping at least you guys get a laugh out of it…
So long…
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