Subletly : A Lost art in Indian Cinema

So… against all my better judgement, past experiences and of course my husband’s vehement protests we both went and watched Agent Vinod. Before you scrunch up your face and roll your eyes at this extraordinary decision, stop for a moment and consider the very… very few entertaining avenues that are present here in Vizag. In the TWO Inox theatres out here… there are only two hindi movies running at a time. If we are lucky, there’ll be an English movie too… ( That is IFFFFF we are lucky).

There are no baristas or CCDs ( oh k… there’s ONE CCD lounge… but with the kururu crowd it becomes something more like a desi chai shop than a classy cafe). There are no good discs… maybe there are … but seriously I don’t feel like dressing up in this weather. So we both prefer to pull on our shorts and walk over to an Inox chomping greedily on KFC wings ( yessssss lord has been kind enough to provide us with the juicy… ever so yummy … hot wings) to watch whatever crappy hindi movie is playing. This is a very sad excuse of an excursion… but hey, we are just trying to make lemonade out of the lemons provided to us 😉 ( oh.. ain’t I awesome ??? using such cool proverbs and all … hmmmm )

Now that I have finally been able to justify the reason why we did go and watch the Oh-so-crappy movie, let me get down to doing what I do the best, being bitchy and critical of everything ! Agent Vinod as a Bollywood flick is a brand new “LOW” for the industry. Surprisingly there was something so so so terrible about the story line that it actually made Kareena ( who did some good work … like… you know…. like that…. well… some… movie…) suck even more… and it also was able to highlight the very fact that Saif JUST CAN’T ACT!!! Brilliant. The movie is actually an example of how NOT to be subtle!!! to be Very very very OBVIOUS!!! eh??? Well… when the audience can SEE the single bullet and still the Damsel in distress makes it a point to mouth the words “ab ek bullet se teeno ko kaise maroge?” and other such cases, one feels like strangling oneself… or as my hubby … drown oneself in 5 huge potato fries bucket….

Its just not that the dialogues are weird ( they are almost theatre like where no one can see what’s happening and you need to word it out for clarity’s sake), the story line is pathetic considering all the spies and agents are roaming around in clear sight and the agent has to ask the bad guys what the code means… rather than discovering it himself. The bad guy won’t kill a guy directly ( and acquire a security key), but will employ the sexy damsel to woo him, steal the key, keep him engaged in a hotel room till the bad guy finally pulls the trigger to bomb the entire hotel room…DUH!!! save money and time! kill the guy and take the key… spare US the torment of sitting through a whole song sequence where a FAT russian tries to BE FUNNY!!!

The songs are misplaced, sequences are unnecessary and there are just NO acting skills… Overall It was nothing but a TORTURE. The only thing that I probably liked was the editing of the Movie.

But seriously guys… if you wanna go see the movie, go in large groups so that you can make fun of it and make it worth the money, time and energy spent!!!

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