What makes ppl want to be alone…. what makes them to become a recluse even when they have so many well wishers around…. what makes them give up on people who really care, and hide…. what drives them to treasure and cherish their life and space so much that they become selfish and even cold… what makes them run away from the very things and people that they love…
I too have been through that phase of my life when I guarded my solitude ferociously and was too proud to have ppl around.. I felt the need and the desire to be alone….I used to read… dream…. write a lot… maybe even talk to myself.. ( no ppl its not crazy.. trust me it works). I had almost a neon sign hanging over my head which read “ get lost” in bright flashy colours every time someone tried to get close…. Tired of being hurt so many times.. I thought recluse had to be the solution. The solution to escape from disappointment, heart break and probably everything bad that was happening with me…. I imagined the whole world up in arms against me.. trying to hurt me.. break me.. ruin me! And so I retreated , in a dark cave.. called solitude.
It helped.. I had more time to think abt what I wanted to do with my life.. abt how I needed to make certain changes in my life.. abt who I was.. and who I wanted to become…I took up the hobbies I had left off.. concentrated more on my career… realised how much I was lagging in my personal life… and really felt good abt myself after a long time…. It helped.. it made me see and realise things I had to.. on my own… I was able to set my life back on track… felt pampered and cared for… felt…”special” to my self…whoever said that it was possible to be feel completely loved by one’s own self, was so correct!
And now when I have re entered civilisation.. I feel rejuvenated. Its like everything’s new.. and happy and bright…. the world becomes a really wonderful place to live in once u feel good abt urself. Trust me , next time u feel dejected and hurt by the world… take some time out to be alone.. and pamper urself….get to know urself better. Rediscover the things u found pretty, the ones u wanted to do, the ones you loved watching, the ones that made u laugh….. and you’ll start noticing a refreshing change in the world around u.
So, recently when one of my friends started acting weird… I felt hurt and really depressed. But this person being of that distant sorts… was almost expected to react this way when I tried getting up and personal with him. Probably even calling him a friend was.. a bit too much of hopefulness on my part. Anyways when he finally told me how he wanted to be alone and stuff.. I hated it… But after thinking abt it. It felt so right… once I knew he planned to get back to his life.. and hobbies.. I almost smiled…. hehehe to think I was furious when I myself had done the same thing a few months back…. well that’s when I felt he was right to get his life back… I really wish him all the best : )
And to all my friends who have been hurt during that phase of my life.. I’m sorry folks! Didn’t mean it.. was just being a li’l selfish to help myself get back into the game.. this really strange and tough game.. called “life”!!!